to dog or not to dog?

my long time love, Max

I love dogs. I have always grown up with dogs, and I feel like my childhood was so enriched for it. There was always somebody to come home to, always somebody to play with. As I got older, I started to plan my little canine family. I always dreamt of having a pug. I love their squashed little faces and alien eyes. I love labradors, and wanted to rescue a couple too. If I had my way I would have about 5 dogs. Austin is a cat person, so when we got together we would bicker about what pets to get. I would Google different dogs and leave the laptop open and see if he could resist the puppy dog eyes, peering out from behind caged bars. He could.

While I was pregnant, my mum found a cat, crying in the halls of her apartment block, and after some investigation, found its owner had moved, and left the kitty behind. Although also a dog person, (and a cat hater I might add) my mum took in the homeless cat, and asked me if I wanted her, as my mum worked full time and couldn't care for her properly, and I had just finished university and had about 12 weeks before Freddie arrived. I said yes. We went to Pets at Home and got everything the cat would need. I brought her home, and had her sat on the windowsill when Austin came home from work. 'Is that a cat! OUR cat? Oh my god you got me a cat?!' He was pretty thrilled. Molly was named and settled in quickly with us. She would lie over my bump, and snuggle up to us. Creep into our bedroom first thing in the morning and fall asleep between us.

she wasn't really one for personal space...

She was a very calm, placid cat, and I wasn't worried about how she would be with Freddie at all. The night we brought him home, Molly sat on the arm of the chair, staring at him in his moses basket. Not making a move, not trying to paw him, or jump in, just staring. It made me very nervous. I never left them alone in a room together, and tried not to pull the cat away from looking at Fred, even though it meant never being able to take my eyes off her. I didn't want her to be afraid of him, or jealous. But, perhaps inevitably, having a newborn baby and taking care of a increasingly high maintenance cat was getting stressful, no matter how much attention we gave to Molly and tried to keep things as they were, she would poo everywhere, (her favourite places were Austin's socks and shoes...) and would leave puddles of wee in secret places that we would only find when we stood in it. She began to scratch us, something she had never done before, and pulled all the wallpaper off the staircase walls.The final straw came when she jumped at Fred's moses basket, while he was in it, clawed at the wicker and jumped in, I almost had a heart attack. Holding a screaming three week old baby in my arms with a crazed cat running around the house at 300 miles an hour, I began to think we might have to find Molly a new home. It wasn't her fault - she was only a kitten herself and couldn't understand why this tiny human intruder was suddenly taking over. That day, my auntie and my cousins, who are 8 and 13 came to visit me and Freddie, and they fell in love with Moll, and were playing with her and chasing her for about an hour, my younger cousin asked if she could take her home. It was such a relief to find Moll a home where we could visit her whenever we wanted, and knowing she had full roam of a bigger house with a very big garden, and attention on demand.

That whole experience put me off pets while Fred was little, it wasn't fair to take on the responsibility of any pet - we had obviously underestimated how difficult it would be to care for a kitten and a baby simultaneously.

Since we moved house though, and got a bigger garden and lots of grass space, Austin has been dropping hints. Dog hints. More specifically, greyhound dog hints. Who would have thought! Austin the cat lover now wants a dog. Although we had both agreed to think about a pet again when Freddie is old enough to understand how to respect a pet, and not to treat their tails like Sophie the Giraffe, we have both been thinking how we grew up with pets, and perhaps wanting Freddie to have that same experience. Greyhounds are known for their gentle nature, and we have been told repeatedly what brilliant pets they are to have around children.

on our recent stay in Coventry, Freddie meet my lovely friend Jane's dog, Fred.

But, after so many terrible tragedies in the news recently involving dogs and children, I am so hesitant of making that leap, and getting a dog. Before Freddie was born, it was me hounding (pun kind of intended) Austin for a dog, and him the sensible one, but being a parent changes everything, Freddie is now our ultimate priority, and we have to decide what is best for him. We would like to get a rescue dog - so many dog homes are full of pets that are unwanted when they are no longer an advantage to their owners, namely ex-racing greyhounds and Staffordshire bull terriers, older dogs and perhaps the less pretty ones. I would love to give a dog ( or two...) a new home and life with people who will love and care for them.

My heart is telling me that having a dog around would be brilliant, Freddie would always have a little friend around, we would go on long Sunday afternoon walks, the four of us. We would snuggle up on the sofa as a family of four. But my head is telling me to wait. That it is better to be safe than sorry.

What do you think? What have your experiences of dogs and children been?

five things that made me happy this week

1)  Freddie had a check up at the eye hospital on Monday (look here if you didn't catch why!) and he is doing amazing! His prescription has come down again, from +12, to +4.5 and now +2, progress the doctors didn't expect him to make until he was at least 4 or 5. He also did very well in his vision exercises, a massive improvement on last time, and doesn't need another appointment for three months. We have come so far since his operation, and he amazes me every single day.

2) On Wednesday, I was meeting my best friend Jasmin for her birthday lunch at SoLita (my absolute favourite hidden gem of a burger place in Manchester, please go if you get the chance! A magical place where you can find deep fried mac and cheese buns instead of bread buns.) I was meeting Jas at 1 o'clock, and dropped Freddie off at my mums at 10:30. This meant I 2 and a half hours free. To myself. Alone. ALONE. I haven't been entirely alone in 7 months. I had brought a book, Cosmopolitan, and went and sat in my favourite corner in Starbucks, with more than one black americano and a bacon sandwich. It was absolute bliss.

3) On Thursday, me and some of my friends had found ourselves with a couple of free days, AT THE SAME TIME. This never happens. So me and Fred, and my friends Amy and Cathy began our road trip to our friends Jane's in Coventry for the night. I was feeling quite anxious about the trip, I don't know if it was being Fred's sole carer for two whole days, or being away from home with him, but I felt quite nervous. I needn't have bothered obviously, as we had a lovely time, Fred's aunties caught up on some good cuddles, and after bed time, we retired to the living room with a bottle of red and LOTS of talking. The next day, we did a bit of shopping, learnt all about Lady Godiva and went for lunch, before heading home. It was lovely to get away from the daily routine for a bit, and catch up with some of my favourite people.

4) I think I inadvertently taught Freddie something! Whenever I have him standing on his lap, I will say 'Fred, give mummy kiss' and kiss him on the mouth. Now, when I say 'Fred, mummy kiss!' He will open his mouth and put it on mine. There is a lot of dribble and not much actual kissing but I almost cried when he first did it!

a totally unrelated image, but have you ever seen somebody look so chuffed to be in a walker?

5)  Last night, after Freddie was in bed, me and Austin cooked a carbonara (um, he cooked it while I drank a bottle of Peroni) watched Anchorman 2 and ate a load of home made lemon buns and leftover Easter egg cornflake cakes. It was lovely to spend some time together doing what we do best. Staying in and eating.

spinning plates

I would like to apologise to (both of...) my readers for this long gap in posting. Even though life has been hectic with things going on, I haven't felt inspired to write about any of it. Sometimes I'll sit down to a lovely meal, or Fred will look extra cute, or we will have gone on a day out and I'll think 'Where is my camera/iPhone?' I should be taking pictures, making notes in my phone. Although I have only been blogging for a couple of months I just didn't have the energy. It is difficult to find the line between just living life, and what I choose to share on This Charming Boy.

It didn't help that the past few weeks have been more difficult than those early, confusing, mysterious newborn weeks. Freddie has been very unlike himself, clingy, whiny, unsettled, not content with anything we do. He didn't want to eat or drink anything, or play with his toys or watch Curious George. I took him to the doctors worried that he had a bug or something, and was told that he was likely teething, or going through a growth spurt, prescribed some Calpol and told to wait it out. Wait it out we did. Falling into bed every night thinking 'This too, shall pass.' Austin would come home every day to a crying baby and a girlfriend with a pounding headache pulling her hair out.

I felt like the world's worst parent. I found myself losing patience and energy and I didn't know what to do. More than one day was spent not getting dressed, not brushing my teeth, not eating. Just lying on the sofa with Fred, stroking his head, it seemed that was all he wanted to do. I felt guilty that these days would leave me so despaired, how would I cope in a couple of years when he was running me ragged, pulling tantrums and screaming at me? If I can't handle a bit of teething and a growth spurt, how will I cope with the next 18 years?

And when I passed Freddie to his dad, or my mum, and he wouldn't make a murmur for them, gurgling and laughing on their knee, it made me want to cry. Did he hate me? Why does he only cry for me? Do I not play with him enough? Is it because I tried to get him to eat that last spoonful of fish pie?

I often feel such pressure to be a perfect mother. One who has a happy boy, spotless clothes, fed and watered and playing with his toys, with a smile for everyone. I should have a full face of make up and perfect hair, the house immaculate, with dinner on the table and a cake in the oven. Do you go to any baby groups? Do you sing to him and sign the words at the same time? Can he swim 100 lengths? Can Freddie speak fluent Thai yet? I should be able to keep up conversation with my friends, the latest television programmes/films/songs/make up/clothes. Who was wearing what and who has been where. Have you been to *insertcoolnewbar* here yet? Are you going on holiday? Any festivals? Have you read this? Can you come here? And finding time for myself, doing the things I like, reading, writing, baking, doing my nails, going for drinks with friends. When will I get to utilise my degree? How many more interviews and job applications before I can do what I have worked for the past 5 years to do? What about my relationship, when it all gets too much, we definitely hurt the ones we love.

Nobody puts this pressure on me. I know that nobody expects this, and when I don't reply to my friends texts because I have been trying to get Freddie to nap/eat, I know they understand. My mum often offers to watch Fred for the day while I have some time to myself, I usually say no. On the days Austin comes home to a clean house, clean and dressed little family, dinner on the table he is stunned. Why did you do all of this? You should have waited for me, we could have done it together.

Why do we do this to ourselves? I made myself a promise this week. To worry less, and play more. To not leave Freddie in front of the telly for 20 minutes while I mint the kitchen, but to play with him instead. To sometimes use nap times to do the things I enjoy and not peeling potatoes or hoovering. Maybe a pizza in the oven for dinner is okay. Sometimes the dishes can stay in the sink while me and Austin pull out the old blanket and watch crap telly.

If spinning plates is an art, I put down my paintbrush.

an unscheduled hiatus

So I haven't posted for a while. It wasn't a planned break, but things have been quite difficult around these parts recently, and it has amazed me how much motivation for blogging depends on having cheerful things to say.

I have loads of ideas for future blog posts though, so please bear with me!

What about the hard days?

I am writing to you from my stairs. The 6th one down. Freddie is in his cot, I think finally beginning to go to sleep after a day of non stop whining, crying, and general being grumpy. There is only so much being shouted at a person can take, even if the person doing the shouting is the cutest, most beautiful, perfect boy on the planet.

It might be his teeth. He might have tummy ache, or even a headache like me. The hardest thing is that I don't know, and all I can do is cuddle him til he feels better, which he won't let me do.

Sometimes my head feels like it is going to explode. I haven't brushed my teeth today and my head aches. My hair is unbrushed in a bobble and I haven't eaten at all.

Sometimes being a mum is so easy, and some days it is the hardest thing in the world.

I need a brew.

hosting afternoon tea

As I mentioned in a previous post, for Mother's Day this year, me and my sisters decided to do something a little bit special for our mum. Obviously she is special EVERY day of the year, but this one felt different. It is her first Mother's Day as a grandma, and mine (as a mum...) and she has done so much for me through the course of my pregnancy and these first few months.

After some deliberation, and eliminating shopping, meal, drinks and spa day from my list, I decided to take her for champagne afternoon tea at the HIilton. Lovely! Only, the Hilton sabotaged my plans by being fully booked on Mother's Day. As did Harvey Nichols, The Midland, Richmond Tea Rooms and every other place I could think of. But, rather than give up, I decided to do it myself.

I have just moved into a new house with a lovely conservatory, (ooooh!) so it was the logical place to hold it. I prayed for a sunny day and began planning.

I'm not a planner. Not a planner of parties anyway. What if nobody came? (Ha ha only joking they had to, they are my sisters.) So I started by googling pictures of afternoon tea researching what a typical afternoon tea consisted of, and the general gist was tea, finger sandwiches, scones, and cake. I could do that!

First, I hit eBay and Amazon for the little touches that would make a lovely afternoon tea. I confess I am somewhat of a tea and cake lover already, so I already had a tea pot, (or 8) antique side plates, and cake forks. I made a list of what I needed.

Tea cups (I ordered and used these last minute, because some mismatched tea cups I had ordered from eBay didn't arrive in time. Now I have plenty of tea cups...)
Champagne flutes (Which I borrowed from my grandparents! I was going to buy some plastic ones but my nans antique ones were much nicer!)
Table cloth (I bought a vintage one from eBay, I had wanted one for ages anyway. But there are loads of pretty table cloths on there!)
Napkins (I just bought a packet of plain pink ones from Tesco, much of the decoration was floral and kitsch and I thought plain napkins and plain teacups prevented it from looking too over the top.)
Cake stand (Which I got from here)
School style milk jugs
Red stripe straws (I got both the jugs and the straws from here which is a lovely website, but you can find them in many places, etsy, eBay, amazon are the first that come to mind.)

I also went to Home Bargains for something un-afternoon tea related, and came across a little vintage party section (who knew?!) and picked up some little sweetie tubs and bunting.

Next was to decide what to serve food wise. After some research I found that some traditional sandwich choices for afternoon tea are ham, salmon,and cucumber, all quite simple. You can jazz them up, we had salmon and cream cheese, ham, and cucumber and cream cheese, on white and brown bread. The sandwiches should be small, only two or three bites each. Cutting the crusts off makes for better presentation but you waste quite a lot of the filling so we just cut them into triangles.

Now for the important part. The cake! Obviously scones are a given. My sister baked some lovely ones using this recipe and they were lovely, served with strawberry jam and clotted cream. She also baked a fruit tea cake which is a traditional afternoon tea cake. I made a carrot cake and a lemon cake, which I will do recipe's for in future posts if anybody is interested! Then, using the sweetie tubs I had bought from Home Bargains, I filled them with my mum's favourite sweets (rhubarbs and custards, foam banana and shrimps and liquorice allsorts) and dotted them along the window ledge.

As this was a champagne afternoon tea, obviously champagne was required! We bought a bottle of De Vallois Champagne which was lovely - I am not a massive fan of champagne but this was quite smooth to drink and not too acidic, a perfect afternoon tea accompaniment! I also bought some pink lemonade to serve in the milk jugs. We were quite boring with the 'tea' aspect of the afternoon tea, as none of us are adventurous tea drinkers! So we stuck to good old Twinings English Breakfast tea, I was planning on using loose leaf tea and had bought strainers, but forgot the actual tea, duh.

Finally, there were a couple of little touches that really finished it off. I bought some brown luggage labels , and used them as place name cards. I wrote our names on them in simple black crayon, and tied them to the bottom of the champagne flutes. I also got some 'eat me' and 'drink me' tags and stuck them in the sandwiches and cake, which gave it a little touch of Alice in Wonderland! The night before I compiled an iTunes playlist of all of my mums favourite songs, all through the dinner she would say 'oh I love this song!' and 'god I love this song!' not realising I had put the list together for her, and thinking it was just a good radio day. I also put Freddie in his Sunday best for grandma's lunch!

 I wanted the day to have a traditional, yet modern and personal feel to it, and I think it did. My mum cried (you know it is a success when somebody cries...) and me, my sisters, my mum and Freddie had a lovely afternoon tea, sat in the warm, sunny conservatory drinking champagne and chatting for hours.

I hope some of you found this post helpful - I think as the weather gets warmer it would be a lovely thing to do for a birthday or special occasion!

five things that made me happy this week

1) On Friday night, me and Austin booked some impulse train tickets to Chester for the next day. It felt like a real family day out and it was lovely - now Freddie is a little bit older and is taking a bit more of an interest in things. We can sit him in a high chair at dinner with us, and as we are doing baby led weaning he could eat with us and it was our first meal out as a three! He also did a considerable amount of napping, so me and Austin were able to go for a walk around the city walls and along the river, visit Chester castle, and do a bit of shopping. We stopped in a little tea shops while we were waiting for our train, and the women in the shop all fell in love with Fred, he is a serious flirt.

2) Although a good sleeper in general, Fred still wakes up in the night, at about 2 o'clock, and then he is up for the day at 6:30 on.the.dot. (How does he know the time?!) I feel like I dealt better with the night feeds in the first few months, I would bounce out of bed to feed him and scroll through Facebook/Twitter as I fed him, but for the past few weeks I have had to DRAG myself out of bed, and have actually fell asleep feeding him a couple of times. (Sorry kid.) So although he isn't going through the night yet, he has started to push back his night feed to about 4 or 5 in the morning and it makes such a difference to get a 5/6 hour block of sleep.

3) Remember last week I mentioned how we had received a £100 Sainsbury's voucher for joining BT broadband? Well this week we received our £100 Tesco gift voucher for joining Sky! Excellent. I spent half of it on a new pair of curtains for our bedroom, some blackout blinds for Freddie's room, and plan on spending the rest on Easter eggs this week. Thank you Sky!

4) Although I love cooking, I don't do it as often as I would like. Austin doesn't get home from work til 6 o'clock, and then we bath Freddie at 6:30 and put him to bed, and I don't get the chance to start cooking til about 7. But this week I have made a bit more of an effort with cooking, and left the chicken dippers in the freezer. I made enchiladas on Tuesday, and pulled pork rolls with sweet potato wedges on Friday night, and we sat down and ate with a couple of bottles of beer. A lovely Friday night and made a nice change from a takeaway which is what we usually opt for!

5) As we haven't long lived in our house, we are still kind of settling in. There are things where they shouldn't be, things with no home, things where I don't want them to be. So I thought that ordering a shelf to find new homes for these homeless things might be a good place to start, and it arrived on Friday. My first thought was 'yay can't wait for Austin to come home and put it together!' Then I kicked myself and realised there is nothing stopping me doing it myself. So I grabbed a screw driver, and a couple of wrong turns and upside down pieces later, I had built it! I felt such a sense of pride when I put it in its place and filled it with DVD's, books and knick knacks.

Mummy and Fred's (mainly eBay) March purchases

As Freddie enters the world of 6-9 month clothes, and I spend an entire day sobbing putting his 3-6 month stuff on eBay, I thought it was about time I made a start on his 6-9 month wardrobe. Babies are so expensive, it only occurred to me the other day that they literally demand a whole new wardrobe every three months. So demanding! I love buying Freddie clothes as much as I love buying them for myself, and as much as I would love to walk into Next or Joules (best baby clothes EVER, ANYWHERE) it isn't financially viable as long as he keeps insisting on being fed and kept in nappies. So his clothes are a mix of eBay gems and impulse buys. Here are a few things I have picked up for him recently.

This was a gift from my lovely friend Jane. Having the most enviable wardrobe anybody has ever seen, I am pretty grateful that she also seems to want to pass down her style knowledge to Freddie, I am always getting little presents through the door for him! This is from Autograph at Marks and Spencer's, it is such a lovely colour, and I love the little polo neck collar, it reminds me of a baby Fred Perry! It is made of a lovely light sweatshirt material - perfect for spirng! It also has subtle pink stitching on the buttons, which is a lovely detail.

This is from Bows and Arrows at Boots. I bought it a couple of months back, when Freddie was still in 0-3 months, but thought it would be a lovely spring time top so bought it in 6-9 months, which he is wearing now. I absolutely love stripes, and bright colours, so this was perfect! 

This was a recent buy from H&M, I am a big fan of H&M children's clothes - they are good value for money and good quality. They are also quite good at making children's clothes look like children's clothes, I am not much a fan of mini adult clothes on kids! 

 This is also a recent purchase, a light spring time jacket from Tu at Sainsbury's. Freddie's current coat was a big winter one, so we needed something lighter for the milder weather, and this is perfect. I love the bright orange colour and the campervan print. Such a bargain too, at £8.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love eBay? I am such a shopping addict, but I can't remember the last time I bought something new, as in walked into a shop and bought myself an item of clothing. Enter eBay. (What is the eBay word count in this post now?) I don't really know how I'd describe my style - I just wear things I like. Is that a style? Usually an even mix of vintage and high street, with some eBay bargains thrown in for good measure.

Oh man I love stripes. Stripes stripes stripes. I also love long sleeves. This was an absolute bargain (of course) from Topshop via eBay, for £3.50. It is quite a heavy material so will be good for the colder weather.

Excuse my toes.

When I saw this on eBay, I loved it. It looked so good on the mannequin on the picture, but when it arrived I was a bit disappointed, it reminded me of something an 80's line dancer would wear. However, I was having a leggings day last week and looking for something long enough to cover my bum and saw this. I gave it a try, and three people mentioned how nice it was! I think it is one of those things that look better on.

Oh look - more stripes! This is also eBay, but originally New Look. I have always been very wary of bodycon, but I find with a pair of tights and a long top they can look very nice - or with a vest if I am feeling very brave. But whatever, it was stripy so I had to have it.

I think this is my favourite recent buy, I love the bright colours! This is vintage Gap, and has lovely little pearly buttons. It also, surprisingly for vintage (and blouses - boobs!) fits really nicely. I have worn it so far with a pencil skirt, and with a pair of skinny jeans and a yellow jumper, with the collar poking out.

So there are some of my recent buys! I am beginning to contemplate reigning in the eBay obsession this month - I have been eyeing some of the beautiful spring collection in Topshop and might treat myself to something at the end of the month instead! 

Chicco Jazzy High Chair - Review

As Freddie approaches six months, the question of weaning is becoming more and more prominent. I have already tentatively tried him with a few purée's, all of which were spat out in disgust. Sweet or savoury, warm, cold or room temperature, the kid will not tolerate being spoon fed. Whether it is the texture (i.e none) or the actual spoon he hates I don't know, but it looks like I am being led to baby led weaning. He made this more obvious by snatching a piece of toast out of my hand the other day and shoving it straight into his mouth. After I hyperventilated ARGHTOASTSOLIDFOODCHOKINGBUTTERSALT I took it off him. Looking at his sad little face at being toast-less again, I made him a piece for himself, cut into a soldier with unsalted butter. Two soggy, mushy hours later, that toast was nowhere to be seen.

So, as I resolved to venture into the world of baby led weaning, I realised I needed a high chair. After trawling reviews, forums, blog posts and finally organising high chairs from 'Price Low-High' on several online stores (right?!) I settled on the Chicco Jazzy High Chair.

My first impressions were how good the tray is. It is so big and wide, and can be adjusted to be closer or further away to baby, with a little drink holder. I also loved the bright lime green colour, I try to keep my furniture and accessories bright and colourful, and this fits in so well! The seat is padded and looks comfortable, when I was looking for a high chair I didn't want a fabric one, as I thought they would be awful to clean. This one wipes clean very well, and can also be taken out to be given a thorough clean.

As you can see, the seat sits at a nice height relative to our table, which I think will be useful as we wean Freddie, I hope it will get him used to sitting at the table, and eventually, as he gets bigger, we can remove the tray and have him sat with us at the table. 

The seat is adjustable to three recline positions, really useful for early weaning. We currently have it set to the second, middle setting, as Freddie can sit well unaided, but sometimes falls about a bit so needs some extra room! It is also nice for him to lie back in and have a chill, he will play with his toys in it while watching his afternoon dose of Curious George. 

As with everything, there a couple of things about the Chicco Jazzy that concerned me at first. Firstly was the five point harness. While this is obviously an excellent safety feature, doing baby led weaning my first thought was what if there was a choking emergency? I would have to fiddle about undoing the straps and getting him out, wasting valuable time. But as you can see from the top picture, the Chicco Jazzy also has a (I don't know what to call it...) crotch support? Crotch stopper? The piece of plastic that stops them sliding out of the high chair, and as he gets a bit bigger and more steady, we might not have to have him strapped in if he sits well in it. 

I also noticed how wide set the legs are, which could be an issue if you only have a small space, although it folds up very well, and can easily be folded away.

I thought I would do a review of this high chair, because it took me so long to decide on one, and other people's reviews came in really handy when I couldn't decide! I am really happy with this, and can see us keeping it well into Freddie's toddler years!

half a year

I am really struggling to comprehend how it has been half a year since Freddie was born. Today he is six months old, and when I woke up this morning I swear he had changed overnight, (they do that don't they?)  in preparation for his half year birthday. Although still chubby and babyish, his face is taking on some features I imagine he will take with him into toddher-hood and beyond. His sticky out ears that he inherited from his dad, my blue eyes, and the cheeky grin that he will be flashing me over his shoulder as I find him doing something he shouldn't in a few months time.

At six months old, he is sitting unaided, laughing, eating solids, and dishing out the smiles for whoever wants one. I see him roll over onto his tummy, and push up on his knees trying to crawl, but just landing on his face as he hasn't quite figured out where his arms come into the crawling equation. He will not sit still, holding him on your knee, he is constantly trying to escape, to grab the remote, or a toy, or my phone, and reaching for something further when he gets it. Always wanting more. More banana. More toast. More toys. More being thrown in the air.

Gone are the days where he would lie in his moses basket, or in our arms for hours barely stirring. I can see the beginnings of a little personality. Independent, (no being spoon fed here please) curious, adventurous. Having to almost get him in a headlock to get a kiss. Having a sweet tooth like daddy, and absolutely loving being outside.

I couldn't have looked at him, kissed him, or held him anymore than I have for his first, tiny months, but I feel like the newborn time slipped through my fingers, and where my tiny boy used to be, is now a big boy, eager to grow and learn new things.

Happy half year birthday my beautiful, charming boy.

the stories they tell

Are there songs you listen to, and are immediately transported back to a place? Or a person? Or perhaps a film, or a certain book, even a television programme or type of food. I think clothes can often tell the same stories. There are certain items of clothes I own, that hold so many memories for me, I don't think I'll ever be able to part with them. Some just because of how pretty they are, some because of something special that happened while I was wearing them. I thought it might be nice to share some of them here with you.

a picture from that night.

This is relatively new. This is a Lavish Alice play suit I bought a couple of months ago. It is crushed velvet, and an absolutely gorgeous deep green emerald colour. I bought it for my first 'big' night out since Freddie has been born, and the thought of dressing up, with my new post-baby body made me heave a bit. This shows off my best bits (hello boobs) and hides the worst. I love the low cut draping back with the two little buttons, with matching buttons on the sleeves. I love play suits, although they tend to become a bit of an issue when you have had a couple of drinks and you find it knotted around you in the toilets.

the night we got engaged.

Oh I love this dress. This picture was taken in the pub my family used to own, and I bought this dress for the leaving party we had when we left. It was from Topshop, and I love how versatile it is, I have worn it with tights and a blazer for job interviews, and with bare legs and heels on nights out. Unfortunately I will never be able to wear this again, as I wore it to a meal once and spilt tomato sauce all down it, and try as I might I can not get the stain out. I still can't bear to throw it out though! This picture was taken on the 11th of October 2010, and I am not entirely sure who that man is on the left. We had a LOT to drink that night, and about 4 pints in Austin asked me to marry him. I laughed in his face and told him to ask me again in the morning when he's sober if he means it. He did.

This is a pleather pleated skirt from Topshop (remember when I could buy things from Topshop?) in a lovely dusty pink colour. I bought it to wear to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, and the picture on the right was taken just before we left the hotel. It was such an amazing evening, just the right amount of naked books, delicious food and French comedy. This is also something you can dress up or down, it looks really nice with my grey marl jumper and boots.

       

Finally, I think this has to be my favourite thing in my wardrobe. I bought this from Ryan Vintage in Manchester about four years ago. I was in there shopping with my friend Eve, and we spotted it at the same time, and both grabbed it and ended up arguing over who could buy it. Luckily, we lived together at the time and I was able to assure her that it was far better for me to buy it, because it would save her money and she could borrow it WHENEVER she wanted. (She never has... sorry Eve) It is just beautiful. It is a cream chiffon bolero, with really intricate gold sequin detailing all over it, it is really quite heavy! It just feels so lovely on, and I feel like it really just finishes off most outfits! Even those days where you feel like you have NO clothes and NOTHING to wear and everything looks AWFUL and you don't want to go out. (Just me...?) I will just put on some skinny jeans and a black vest, with this and a pair of heels. It has that wonderful vintage/old smell still because I am too afraid to wash it because of its delicacy, and I always wonder who wore it before me. 

As you can see, I get my use out of this jacket.

My 21st birthday meal.

New Years Eve 2011.

The time we met Katy Perry's band.

What are your favourite items of clothing?

on being a google mum

Do you know what I mean? When I was pregnant, I spent a considerable amount of time googling (oh Google. You have a lot to answer for. But never leave me plz) things that were happening to me.

'Why haven't I felt my baby move for 3 hours?'
'What can my baby do now at *such an amount* weeks?'
'How much weight should you put on at *such an amount* weeks pregnant?'
'Are headaches normal at *such an amount* weeks pregnant?'
'When will my baby engage?'

And so on. It didn't stop when he was born.

'Why does my baby cry solidly from 5 til 7?'
'When can you give babies gripe water?'
'What are these spots on my baby?'
'How do you burp a baby?'
'When can you give babies solids?'

'How to surgically remove mum's fingers from the keybord...'

From the get go, motherhood has been a journey of questions, because how else are we supposed to learn? As they say, babies don't come with a manual. There is no 'buy one baby, get a manual free' deal. So what are we supposed to do, when there is something wrong with your baby, but you don't know what? Or if you just have a general question, about weaning, sleeping, routine, naps, etc? We live in a digital age, and we have the internet, and a world of answers at our finger tips. Forums, boards, blogs, Facebook pages, online magazines. Midwives and health visitor's offer advice and we take it hungrily, but what about when their advice doesn't work for your baby? Good old Google.

I fear I am too reliant on Google. As first time parents, everything is scary. The internet is a bit like an old motherly health visitor, who has an answer to every question, but, like the real life kind, they don't know your baby personally. Perhaps it is because, six months into parenthood, I feel like I am beginning to get the hang of this baby thing. I know Freddie, I (usually) know why he is doing what he is doing, but often find myself googling it just incase. Just incase what? I don't know. We all have our baby's best interests close to our hearts, and such a keenness to keep him safe sometimes leads me to second guess myself.

I often wonder HOW did our parent's raise us without the internet? How did they know when there was something wrong? Whenever I am talking to my mum about something I am worried about with Freddie, the sentence usually starts with 'well, I was looking on Google and...' and she will roll her eyes, and give me some advice, somebody who knows Freddie and knows me.

The advice that we can gain from the wealth of knowledge on the internet is something we are lucky to have, but I have to remind myself sometimes that when Freddie was born, so was an instinctual, primal, constant desire within me to know what is best for him, and that is the best source of advice I can access. It's my job. I think if I had no access to the internet for the past 15 months, I would be in the exact same position I am now, and have saved myself a lot of unnecessary panics over countless harmless coughs, niggles, and developmental milestones.

Where do you draw the line with knowledge we can access online? It is so tempting to take it as gospel, but more often than not, if there is something your baby needs, I think we already know what it is, even if we don't always trust it.

Morrissey Autobiography - A Review

Last night, I dreamed somebody loved me I closed the final page of Morrissey's autobiography and sighed. As a pretty big Morrissey fan, (I even named by blog after him guys) I spend a lot of time defending him.

Oh, he cares about animals, is that such a crime?
I think anybody who manages to abstain from alcohol/sex/drugs deserves to be a tiny bit self righteous!
But listen to his lyrics, if nothing else, he is a genius!
Who even cares about the Monarchy anymore anyway? (ouch)
Not everybody can be full of beans all the time!

And so on. So when I heard he was bringing out an autobiography I thought, yes! A chance for him to demonstrate that he is more than a miserable has been with a superiority complex. Um, seems like he let that opportunity to pass him by. For me, Autobiography was difficult to read at times, particularly with the frequent sermon tone, and the hundred page long discussion about the Mike Joyce trial. There is also quite a bit of energy put into describing Manchester as some sort of horrid, torturous hell hole. Here are a few things Morrissey has to say about Manchester.

"...the always wet and windy North Manchester." (my territory Moz, watch what you're saying)
" All Manchester boys are mad, and they shout, and they laugh loudly, and courtship is a question of aggression rather than gallantry." (because nowhere else in the country will you find aggressive boys who laugh loudly)
"Manchester was rife with what were known as tramps."

From the off it seems Morrissey is very bitter that he wasn't born into an upper middle class, 2.4 children family in Kensington. The book reads as Morrissey vs The World, where the world always wins.

Where the book is mostly miserable, it does have some redeeming features. I like the frequent snippets of poems and lyrics throughout, and also how the book itself reads like an extended Smiths song - his sentences are long and poetic, and switch from reality to trains of thought, it feels as though you are sat there with him, having a cup of tea and listening to him grumbling chatting away. He is quite open about his childhood and the love he has for his family, and more open than I expected on his position of celibacy, and the relationships he has had.

A couple of things I don't understand about the book. The first is that it is written in American English, which is odd for somebody whose identity is so rooted in England and Manchester, although it could be be that since he lives in LA now, he may be trying to appeal to a wider audience? Or escaping his British identity, he has made no secret of his for many British institutions and what they stand for. Whatever the reason, it is pretty annoying. I am also somewhat confuddled as to why Autobiography has been published as a Penguin Classic. From my knowledge of the Classics collection, they seem to all be quite well accepted novels of the literary canon, and the word 'classic' implies a novel of considerable age. Morrissey's autobiography is none of these things, and the fact that it is published as such implies a considerable sense of (misplaced) superiority.

I began reading this book with the hope of getting to know Morrissey better, but 457 pages later, I don't feel like I do. I wouldn't recommend this book to anybody, not because its DREADFUL, because it isn't really. But if you don't have some degree of respect for Morrissey's music, both with The Smith's and solo, you won't be able to make it through. And if you do have respect for his music, this book may ruin whatever shred of compassion you have for him.

I still love ya Moz, but chin up eh? It might never happen.

five things that made me happy this week

1) The absolute best moment this week has to be Freddie properly mastering sitting up! He could do it for a few seconds before, if he was slightly tilted and sat on my knee, but the other day I plonked him down on my bed and let go, and he stayed sat up! It's amazing how something so simple can make your heart burst with pride and joy. I picked him up and he squealed and tried to wriggle away. 'Jesus mam get a grip.'

2) If you have read my previous posts, you'll know I've been on the job hunt recently. I have been on a couple of interviews, and not heard anything back. While the disappointment is hard to deal with, (especially as one of them was a DREAM job) it just feels nice to be back out there, in the world of work and wearing lipsticks and heels, and not having a nappy fall out of my bag when I go to take my purse out. The search continues... 

3) I went to the Cake and Bake event in Manchester yesterday, what can I say? So many baked goods, so little time.

4) How often does it happen, that the postman knocks on the door (LOVE those days, parcels yay) hands you a letter, and asks you to sign for it. Sign for a letter? I looked at it for ages before I opened it trying to think what it could be. It was a gift voucher for Sainsbury's for £100. I had completely forgotten it was part of the new BT broadband deal when we switched suppliers when we moved. It was all I could do to not race to Sainsbury's. Thanks BT!

5) Serious summer plans are in the making. Oh man I love making holiday plans. As Austin is taking his driving test soon we are hoping to go on a lovely road trip in Italy in September. We went to Rome a couple of years ago and just absolutely fell in love with it, pizza, ice cream, museums, coffee... all of my favourite things. Watch this space...

a day well spent

Today has been one of those lovely days, you know? Where you don't have much to do, but end up having a wonderful day. We had tickets to the Manchester Cake and Bake Show at Manchester Central, (or the GMEX is you are local!) and it was amazing. I mean, how could such a thing as a CAKE CONVENTION not be? We wandered around, getting free marzipan (you know when you walk past the same person giving out free stuff about 9 times to get ALL of the free stuff? That.) Several celebrities of the cake world were there, such as Rosemary Shrager, Frances Quinn who Great British Bake Off, and several other GBBO contestants. We missed the demonstration because we were too busy conning free marzipan, but we saw them milling around. Yeah, I mill around with celebrities.

There were amazing cakes everywhere you looked, to look at, sample, and buy. We came away with cookies, flapjack, sausage rolls, focaccia and this.

A true thing of beauty. There is something about macaroon's, that feel so special and decadent. Not only are they delicious, but there is such a skill to making them (one that I can't master, hard as I try) it really feels like a treat to eat one! I wish I had bought a whole box but we only saw them on the way out and I had already spent my life's savings, so I just got one, and it took me a good while to choose a flavour. I settled on strawberry.

I couldn't stop looking at the cake on the bottom left. It was so good, I took about a hundred pictures, in the hope of one day recreating it for my own wedding cake. One day...

Weighed down with carbs, we decided to walk up to the Manchester Museum. It is a part of my university, so I have visited a lot, but I love it. They have a pretty impressive collection of Egyptian artefacts, including a few mummy's. I always spend ages looking at the mummy's, there is something so fascinating about them. There is also a massive taxidermy collection on display, which is equal parts creepy and brilliant, and you know, other pretty things to look at.

             

On the walk back into the centre for some lunch, we came across an outside second hand book stall. You might imagine how long I stood here for. Most of my books are second hand, I love the second hand book smell so much, it's also lovely to open the inside cover, and occasionally find a little message, or a declaration of ownership. If you opened any of my books before I was about 12, every single one had my name, address, phone number and age on the inside cover. Not entirely sure why. Also waiting on possible future stalkers.

 A well spent Saturday I feel. It was lovely to just spend the day with my little family, after a pretty disappointing week of job hunts and interviews.  I hope you all had a lovely Saturday too!